I’ve written about it. I’ve given hearty assent to its value. I believe in it.
Yet, right now, as I’m living it, I find that my well-formed thoughts can miss their mark; my enthusiastic yes can weaken to a lackluster shrug; my carefully-nurtured faith can wobble some.
You see, right now, I’m in a season of waiting. And I don’t like it.
I’m waiting for God to show me what to do for work.
My husband asked me a brilliant question yesterday: “Honey, what feels most urgent to you—our financial needs or having your future settled?” I’m pretty sure he knew how I’d answer; after 38 years, this compassionate, intuitive man knows my heart very well.
I half expected …
… that when I began my job search in earnest last week, some sort of direction would make itself known. I faithfully checked off my to-do list:
- Read another chapter of that book about finding work I love, check!
- Research freelance proofreading jobs, check!
- Meet with a local editor to learn more about the field of editing, check!
- Meet with a career coach, check!
- Pursue those two job leads, check!
A new thought
I was driving home from Baker City on Saturday, trying to keep my eye on the road when all I really wanted to do was gaze at the astoundingly big-sky masterpiece God was hand-brushing across the horizon. My mind flitted from one subject to another, from time to time corralling a wandering thought and tossing it to God in the form of a prayer. Once, I think God may have tossed one of His own thoughts in my direction:
Did you ever stop to think that the whole reason I have you looking for work is not, ultimately, about meeting your financial need? That maybe it’s because I have something for you to do, and this is My way of prompting you to find it?”
I liked that thought. It put a new spin on the urgency question. If God simply has this thing He wants me to do for Him, then He will bring it to me (or me to it) when the time is right.
Recently, I watched Greg give our grandson Henry a drink from a water fountain. As Greg cradled Henry securely in his arm, holding him over the stream of water, Henry aimed his mouth to where he thought the water would be. As water squirted into his nose, eyes, and ears, I doubled over with laughter (composing myself just long enough to capture the moment on camera). As water sprayed everywhere, Henry persevered, wide-mouth-frog-like.
This is how life felt to me last week. I knew there was water to drink, and I was poised to gulp it in (courage from the Lord; doors to knock on; encouragement from others; timely insight from Scripture). But it felt like all these good things were missing their mark.
But you know what? My Father is not playing hide-and-seek with that water. He’s holding me tight, hand gripped on the spigot, aiming that sweet refreshment right where my mouth should be, gently directing me toward it.
This week I have a brand new checklist in front of me:
- Write my resume
- Ask my growing list of contacts about proofreading / editing / tutoring opportunities
- Check job postings with local schools and colleges
- Research companies who may be looking for blog writers
- Sell my new Mentoring Worship Leaders book (more about that next week!)
I pray that as I keep checking off items, I get a little better at finding where that good water is.
And who knows? I might even find some good work to do in the end.
Listening (and searching) with you,